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Title: John the True
Author: kisahawklin
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: John/Rodney friendship
Rating: 10+
Word count: 4104
Author's Notes: based on the fairytale Faithful John. Originally I had this idea for the Fairytale challenge at sga_flashfic but it didn't work quite right. Then lavvyan needed a pick-me-up so I dusted it off, basically rewrote the whole thing, and here it is. Problem is - it's still not working quite right. I wrote this in a hurry, and late (until 3am last night), so it might just be that I was exhausted and rushing. I'm wondering if all I really need is to expand things, that it's too rushed. But I don't think so - I feel like I have no ending, like I am missing some way to bring home the message of trust that isn't just patting the characters on the head and saying 'do better next time'. Help!


John the TrueCollapse )
25th-Feb-2009 01:17 pm - Well, then, here goes...
penguin with name and laptop
This is a sequel of sorts to Speaker for the Dead, what happened to Radek during and after. My intention is to show him settling and making a life for himself in Pegasus and being happy, even though the actual story is sad because of the themes therein (it covers what happens after the events in Speaker). gblvr has read it and thinks it maybe needs more connection to Rodney, and I think she's right, but I'm not sure how. I toyed with the idea of putting his name in, but now I'm not sure it would fit anywhere else but where it is.

I'm also a little unhappy with the long exposition in section five. That might be where I could put more emotion or passion for Radek (another suggestion, this time from kathgrr) and/or mention of Rodney. Thoughts???

Oh, and because it's Radek's story, I've put a lot of it in Czech. I mean to direct readers to the terrific Google Translator unless you think I shouldn't?

One Good Man by MrsHamillCollapse )
25th-Feb-2009 12:47 pm - Raises a tentative hand
penguin with name and laptop
Are we still in bizness? I've got a story (short, around 5k words) that could use some crit. It's a follow up to my story Speaker for the Dead and sort of a character study for Radek. Would there be any interest in ripping it to shreds (because I think it needs to be)?
19th-Feb-2009 10:53 am - *taps mic* is this thing on?
_support, daisies
Now that the crazy-making of winter holidays and associated fic-stuff is over, anyone want to kick-start the community again?

Or, if anyone's still paying attention who posted something previously and would like more discussion, point us to it? I'm wary about tromping through the back posts in case someone is just so over it.
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Hi Everyone! I suspect a lot of people are pretty busy with year-end fic things (and year-end non-fic things) but I thought I'd throw this out there to the community in case anyone is in an evaluative mood :)

Title: John McClane Can Slam a Revolving Door.
Author: healingmirth
Fandom: Live Free or Die Hard (Die Hard 4)
Pairing: John McClane/Matt Farrell
Rating: R (for cussin’)
Length: 3400
Warnings: n/a, this is pretty tame
Spoilers: vague references to events through the final scene of the movie, but it's an action movie... its not like I'm ruining any huge plot twist.
Summary: Matt wastes a lot of time on the internet
Notes: This is the second of four (so far) stand-alone stories set in the ‘verse. You’re not missing anything by not having read the first one (trust me) but the three that have been posted are up here. I’m currently deeply dissatisfied with the 4th, so I’m hoping that some criticism of this one will help me figure out what’s not working in the other.

I'm of the opinion that all fic should still aspire to be readable (in a plot/character sense) regardless of whether you're familiar with the source material, but it's impossible for me to un-know the movie. On top of that, it's a pretty small fandom. So I'd love some "outside" opinions, if anyone's inclined to read through this. If you are wholly unfamiliar with the movie, John McClane is a 50-something NYPD detective. Matt Farrell is a 20-something computer hacker.

ETA: added numbers to the beginning of each section, because I can't keep track of what I'm referring to.

what I intended to write and what worries me – feel free to read this after, or not at all, so it doesn’t influence your impression of the storyCollapse )

When John McClane does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.Collapse )
16th-Nov-2008 11:08 am - Anybody out there?
lavvyan: kissing fish by luna61
This community has gotten kind of quiet, so let's talk about writing and constructive criticism. Namely, the things that we, as readers, experience as discomforting to downright jarring when we stumble across them in a story.

Now, one person's mistake can be another's choice of style, but I still think that some things are universal. Correct spelling and grammar should be a given, as should staying true to one's characters. What else? Personally, I've found that I cringe at the third "the other man" in the same paragraph.

How about you? If you had to suggest to a new author one thing they should or shouldn't do, what would it be?
2nd-Nov-2008 08:03 pm - Important note from the mod
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First, some background info.  I moderate six different comms, including two comms that require a considerable amount of work on my part.  On top of that, I write fanfiction, original fiction, and do some other fandom things that I can't mention here (*cough*).  Lately I've been doing a lot more writing than usual.  Couple that with the fact that my father died last week and I'm just not able to keep up with all of my comms.

Thus, I have a slightly used comm to go to a good moderator.  It's not much work at the moment, especially considering how quiet the comm itself is.  That said, this is not a comm that I feel comfortable leaving unmoderated, so if no one wants to take over the job, I'll probably delete the community.  I'd hate to do it (even if it has gotten so quiet that it's possible no one will notice the deletion), but I'm just not willing to leave a community with such a high number of potential issues without ensuring a moderator is in place.

Let me know if you have any questions.
18th-Sep-2008 03:55 am - FIC: First Impressions
John "maybe" reading fanfic

Title:  First Impressions

Author:  cookiemom6067 

Fandom:  Stargate Atlantis

Pairing:  McShep, but only briefly

Episode:  Whispers, 5.07

Rated:  PG

Word count:  ~2,500

Disclaimer:  Written for fun, not profit.  

 

Author’s Notes:  This was written for the sga_episodefic LiveJournal community’s season 5 tagathon.  Beta’d by scifigeek6067 and my DH, who never watches the show. Dialog paraphrasing rather than direct quotation was intentional.

 

Summary:  Dusty Mehra’s POV

 

12th-Sep-2008 10:06 am - Betaing
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Hello?  Is anyone here?  Just checking:)

In an attempt to liven this place up, I'm creating this post as a place where betas and authors can meet up.  Betas, please post the fandom(s) you are able and willing to offer services in; authors, please be sure to include the fandom, pairing, and rating of your story, as well as all warnings.

Let the writing begin!
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Title: Chances 1: Chance Encounters
Author: jane_elliot
Fandom: Due South
Pairing: Frawer/Kowalski (pre-slash)
Rating: R
Length: 14,500+
Warnings: none

Summary: Homeless RayK AU.

Notes: This is the first of a series of stories, but each story in the series (and this one in particular) stand alone. I'm struggling a bit with the latest story (part 5) and am hoping some critique will help get the creative juices flowing.

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As there hasn't been anything posted recently, I thought I'd break in a new fandom...

Title: Chances 1: Chance Encounters
Author: jane_elliot
Fandom: Due South
Pairing: Frawer/Kowalski (pre-slash)
Rating: R
Length: 14,500+
Warnings: none

Summary: Homeless RayK AU. 

Notes: This is the first of a series of stories, but each story in the series (and this one in particular) stand alone.  I'm struggling a bit with the latest story (part 5) and am hoping some critique will help get the creative juices flowing.

13th-Aug-2008 11:24 am - Fic: Coffee by flmun
Denali

Title:Coffee
Author: flmun
Fandom: Original
Pairing: n/a
Rating: G
Length: 230
Warnings: none

Summary: A brief mood piece

I'm easing my way back into writing, by using exercises. I can use all the help I can get. Hopefully, I'll knock the rust off before too long. Then I'll move into longer pieces.

 

12th-Aug-2008 01:19 pm - Poem: Sanity Check, by darsynia
Tea
Title: Sanity Check
Author: darsynia
Fandom: original
Pairing: n/a (gen)
Rating: PG-13 for language, adult non-sexual situations
Length: 416 words
Warnings: light swearing

Summary: Hmm. Poems are kind of hard to summarize. Let's just say that I wrote this out of a desire to express how I felt when I checked myself into a certain kind of hospital. Definitely not depressing--even quirkily funny, in places.

jane_elliot mentioned that she'd like to have one of everything, and I remembered that I had this kicking around on my hard drive! I wrote this for creative writing class last semester; we did a workshop on each piece and got feedback very similar to what we're doing here (both verbal and written, which ROCKED, let me tell you. I strongly encourage anyone who has the time to take a creative writing course at your local community college. I learned a TON, and having fifteen people look you in the eye and tell you what they thought is a rush like nothing else, even when they don't like something). This is the revised version, after their comments, and since I never got to find out what they thought of it post-revision, I decided to brave the crowd and post it here.

A note about format: we're taught in class that capitalizing every line is 'a no-no;' while I very much welcome pacing and line suggestions, I won't be changing that aspect of the poem.

Sanity CheckCollapse )
[marine] starfish
(Jane, I'm so sorry! I did read the rules when I first joined, but I evidently forgot the cardinal one. My bad.)

SGA seems popular around here so I thought I'd brave the water for some concrit of my SG1 fic.

Title: The Incident of the Cheese Toasties in the Nighttime.
Author: cnidarian
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: gen: Jack, Janet
Rating: G, humour
Warnings: none
Word Count: ~600
Summary: High jinks in the infirmary.

Author's Notes: I wrote this at the beginning of the year, when I started out writing fic. I'd like to hear where anyone thinks I could improve and then compare that to the steps I've already taken to improve. Also, I'm curious to see if there's anything I did right back then which I've wrongly moved away from recently. Thank you.

hereCollapse )
6th-Aug-2008 12:21 pm - Fic: Push/Pull by Jane Elliot
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Title: Push/Pull
Author: Jane Elliot
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: John/Rodney
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: non-graphic mention of pre-story rape
Word Count: 66,000+

Summary: Homeless!John AU. The very day Rodney quits at the SGC, he manages to run over a homeless vet with Issues.

Author's Notes:  This is my last example post for a while -- the large, off-site story post.  I'd thought about going with an older story that could use more concrit, but I decided it would make sense to go with one of my stories that would have to be broken into 5+ parts to be posted.  To critique, I suggest opening the story in a new window or a new tab, so that it's easy to return to this post for commenting.  Thanks!

Push/Pull (link to website copy)

Note: I know that I owe comments to the last few posts -- they're coming, I promise, but there are only so many hours in a day and I've reached that limit.  As soon as things calm down, comments will be posted:)
Title: April is the cruellest month
Author: kisahawklin
Rating: 13+ for mild language
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Characters: Rodney McKay, John Sheppard
Spoilers: Vague season four spoilers
Word count: ~2000
Author's Notes: Originally written for sga_flashfic's Must Be Dreaming Challenge. I had three helpers/betas on this, and pinballing between them, I think I really didn't quite get the whole idea across. I'm looking for a way to tighten things up - create more tension, and get the whole dream-like feel without giving anything away. Also, in spots it feels clunky - too many rewrites for too many people with different tastes. I don't mind plot crit, or characterization crit, or really any type of crit at all. I'll take anything. Thanks in advance. P.S. Does anybody get the title?

The wormhole winks out as soon as Rodney’s through it.Collapse )
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Title: Blair Sandburg, An Autobiography
Author: Jane Elliot
Fandom: The Sentinel, WIP
Pairing: Blair/Jim
Rating: R (to date)
Warnings: WIP, implied child sexual assault of an OC, non-graphic suicide of an OC
Word Count: 14,500

Summary: After a deeply traumatic childhood and years of playing the starving student as he searches for a Sentinel, Blair Sandburg has finally decided to give up his dream. Enter mysterious businessman and billionare Jim Ellison, with his high-handed behavior and murky past. Is he everything Blair has been searching for, or is he Blair's destruction disgused as a holy grail?

Author's Notes: The whole sordid mess is outlined in part one.

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So we have tons of new members to the comm with posting priviledges, which means tons of new fic! Right?! Right?

*crickets chirping*

Huh. Well, I guess I can post something else then. (Note that I'm trying to post at least one of everything so that no one has to be the first to post something never before seen on the comm. Unfortunately I don't actually have poetry or non-fiction to post, so if anyone has one of those genres to post, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks!)

Title: Blair Sandburg, An Autobiography
Author: Jane Elliot
Fandom: The Sentinel, WIP
Pairing: Blair/Jim
Rating: R (to date)
Warnings: WIP, implied child sexual assault of an OC, non-graphic suicide of an OC
Word Count: 14,500

Summary: After a deeply traumatic childhood and years of playing the starving student as he searches for a Sentinel, Blair Sandburg has finally decided to give up his dream.  Enter mysterious businessman and billionare Jim Ellison, with his high-handed behavior and murky past.  Is he everything Blair has been searching for, or is he Blair's destruction disguised as the holy grail?

Author's Notes: This has been a thorn in my side for months -- after each bout of writer's block, I keep sitting down and writing a scene, only to find myself blocked again.  Grr.  For those that don't know the history, this is my attempt to write a Sentinel version of Jane Eyre.  In modern times.  With as much canon compliance as possible.  Yeah.  The funny thing is, I'd assumed that Lowood would be the sticking point for the story, but since Lowood is such a small portion of the overall plot, I figured I could just plow through it and get to the good stuff.  Then I went and *nailed* the Lowood section (once I figured out a modern-day equivalent to the bad PR caused by half of your school dying of typhoid fever), only to discover that it's the *rest* of the plot that's giving me problems.  Even the characterizations are getting out of control, especially Joel, who wasn't even supposed to be a significant character and is now taking over the freaking story.

Anyway, while I'd love all forms of concrit, what I'd really like are some honest, unbiased opinions as to whether there is any point in continuing to muddle along with this story or if I should just give it up and move on to other things.  (You know, things that don't give me an ulcer at the prospect of having to write them.)

31st-Jul-2008 04:05 pm - Fic: Shimmer by Jane Elliot
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Two reasons for this post: one, I wanted to get the ball rolling for original fics in case anyone else is interested but doesn't want to be the first, and two, I figure I might as well take advantage of this comm to post something that *really* needs to be critiqued. And how.

Title: Shimmer
Author: Jane Elliot
Fandom: Original Fiction
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death, really crappy writing, pathetic attempts at humor
Word Count: 6,250+

Summary: The day before I was supposed to get married to the most beautiful girl in the world, I touched something I shouldn't have and things went straight to hell.

Author's Notes: This was originally written several years ago as a twelve part serial with an approximate word limit of 500 words per part. I already know that it's bad, so feel free to be as absolutely harsh as possible. And, uh, I apologize in advance for the ending. *facepalm*

pic#72555517 Ronan - Bring it

FIC:  Keeping Jennifer Company

Author:  cookiemom6067

Fandom:  SGA

Episode:  5.02:  The Seed

Rating:  R for mild sexual situation

Category:  Mild Ship Dex/Keller

Characters:  Jennifer Keller, Ronon Dex, Rodney McKay   

Word Count:  3,107

Summary:    Part of the Season 5 tagathon.  Concrit and feedback welcomed.

Certain dialogue taken from “the Seed” by Joseph Malozzi and Paul Mullie  Spoilers for “The Seed,” “Doppelganger,” “Missing,” “Quarrantine,” “Trio,” “The Kindred Pts 1 & 2.”

Disclaimer:  No copyright infringement intended.  Written for fun, not profit.  All rights of Acme Shark, MGM, SciFi Network, Cooper and Wright reserved.

This one went over like cold, wet pancakes on a rainy day when I posted it on sga_episodefic and got no comments at all.  Help, please?


31st-Jul-2008 08:36 am - The decision!
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After an overwhelmingly positive response, we are going with the plan outlined in yesterday's post.  To wit:

-Anyone may join concrit_my_fic.

-If you would like to post to the comm (i.e., you have writing you would like critiqued), send me an e-mail at janethunder at gmail dot com with the following disclaimer: "I would like posting access to Concrit My Fic.  I understand that while all of the criticism I receive will be constructive, it may not all be positive."   Be sure to include your LJ name, or I won't know who to grant the access to.

-Authors: the choice as to whether to f-lock your posts is up to you.  There are advantages to both sides of the argument; I trust that you will know what works best for you.

Finally, while I love all of the debate and comm-building that has been going on for the last day or so, don't forget that the primary purpose of this comm is to critique writing!  There are already a couple of stories posted below and as soon as we get a few more stories posted, I'll do a bit of pimping to bring in more readers.  Let's get down to the concrit!
30th-Jul-2008 11:24 am - Seeking opinions
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After which I will stop spamming you, I promise.

In response to one of my earlier posts, sageness made an excellent point, namely that concrit will always be more detailed, more personalized, and more open in a closed group than it would be if the discussion is open to the public.  I fully agree with this.  On the other hand, I like the idea of a discussion open to anyone, which allows for fresh ideas and greater inclusion.  At which point she suggested that it should be up the authors to decide if a story is open to concrit from everyone or just comm members.

Personally, I'm okay with this idea, but it will require a restructuring of the comm and since we already have members who were expecting one thing, I want to make sure you are all okay with the transition.  Here's how the new system would work:

-Anyone could become a member of the comm.  Members will *not* automatically have posting rights.

-If you are an author and would like to be able to post your fics to the com, you would send an e-mail to me with the disclaimer (in previous posts) and your LJ name.  I will then give you posting access.

-When posting a fic, authors can either leave their post open to the public, or can f-lock their post so that only community members can comment on it.  The choice of f-locking will be left entirely to the authors.

What do you think?  It's very similar to our current setup, but there are a couple of key changes, so I'd love to hear your opinions.  Thanks! 

ETA: Verdict will be posted on Thursday!
30th-Jul-2008 09:34 am - Frequently Asked Questions
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I'm already a member of the comm, now I'd like to post my own writing to be critiqued.  What do I do?
-Send me an e-mail at janethunder at gmail dot com with the following disclaimer: "I would like posting access to Concrit My Fic.  I understand that while all of the criticism I receive will be constructive, it may not all be positive."   Be sure to include your LJ name, or I won't know who to grant the access to.


Can only new fic (i.e., something that hasn't been posted elsewhere) be posted here?
-Not at all!  In fact, while you are certainly welcome to post fic here before you post it anywhere else, I anticipate that most of the stories posted will be older stories.


Am I allowed to post stories on other comms, or can they only be posted here?
-Your story is your story and you are welcome to post it anywhere you'd like.  The only restriction we have is that if you want constructive criticism from this comm, you must post a copy of your story on this comm, so that folks can respond to it here.


I have a really long story -- should I still post it here?
-You are always welcome to post really long stories here, no matter how many parts it takes.  However, if you have a website version of the story, you may post a link to it and ask folks to come back to the comm post to comment.  We do ask that you *never* post a link to a story on another LJ.  (Why?  This community has been developed as a safe place for readers to give honest feedback.  In other places on LJ, constructive criticism can attract insults, flames, and rudeness.  It isn't fair to ask readers to critique your story and then leave them open to attack, so all critiquing will happen in this comm, where the moderators can keep an eye on things.)


Can I critique a mod post?
-Dude, that would make my day:)  I'm learning to become a better writer, just like everyone else here.


If you have any other questions, feel free to leave them here.  I'll be updating this FAQ as questions arise.

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These are not comm rules and we will not be enforcing them. However, if you want to continue to receive concrit and/or want your concrit to be useful, these are some good guidelines to keep in mind.  

For Readers
The most important thing to remember is that this is not your story and the author is in no way obligated to accept your suggestions.  That said, the way you approach and phrase your critique can greatly increase the chance that the author will seriously consider your ideas and/or incorporate your suggestions in future writing.

A few tips:
-Be polite.  While constructive criticism doesn't necessarily have to be diplomatically phrased, an author is much more likely to disregard criticism that is phrased in a confrontational manner.

-Express your criticism in terms of it being your opinion.  After all, it is your opinion, and by making that clear (as opposed to implying that Your Word Is Law) you will make your criticism far more palatable to the author.

-Embrace the concept of the carrot and the stick.  While constructive criticism can be all negative, the fact is that no one likes to hear a list of their faults without softening the blow with some of their good qualities.  The best constructive criticism finds at least one or two good points to accompany the bad points.

-Finally, this comm is really not intended for pleasure reading.  There are many places on the net where you can read a story and are not expected to leave feedback.  We ask that if you choose to read fic on this comm, that you leave concrit every time, even if it is just as simple as 'I liked this story, because ___'.  

As important as it is to have authors on this comm, it is truly the readers who make a constructive criticism comm work.  On behalf of all of the authors here, I thank you for sharing your opinions with us.

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These are not comm rules and we will not be enforcing them.  However, if you want to continue to receive concrit and/or want your concrit to be useful, these are some good guidelines to keep in mind.

For Authors
The most important thing to remember is that this is your story.  And, when it comes to your story, you are God.  The purpose of concrit is not to remove your ownership of your story or to force to you change things; rather, the goal is to point out parts of the story you might want to look at more closely and/or give you an idea of what other people are taking away from the story (so you can decide if that is what you wanted them to get from the story or not).  No matter what your readers say, you will always have the final word on what changes in your fic and what stays.

With that in mind, a few tips:
-While you can't limit your readers to giving only a certain type of criticism, you are certainly welcome to ask them to pay particular attention to some area of the story (the sex, the dialogue, the flow, etc) that you would like critiqued.

-Don't respond to criticism right away.  Concrit, especially negative concrit, can be a bit of a shock.  After all, your story is your baby, you've spent days/weeks/months/years writing it, and even if you know it isn't perfect, it's hard to hear people criticising it.  As a result, your first response to crit will likely be an emotional (and negative) one. 

-To ensure that you get the most out of the crit (and that you don't end up alienating your readers) it's a good idea to read the critique, then walk away and consider it until you have a good argument for or against each point your reader made.  This way you distance yourself a bit from your story and can objectively view the critique.  From experience, I can pretty much guarantee that criticism that seemed overly harsh on first reading is usually quite reasonable when viewed objectively.

-Thank your readers for their comments, even if you choose not to incorporate any of their suggestions into your story.  After all, you'll always have another story and presumably you'll eventually want it critiqued. 

-Finally, this idea only works if people, you know, read stories and give concrit.  To that end, we ask that all authors read at least *two* stories for every one that they post and give concrit for everything that they read on this comm.  Of course, you aren't limited to two stories and I can safely say that authors who make an effort to critique a lot other stories are much more likely to get their own stories critiqued in return.

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